pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
