Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
