I molested 6 butterflies tonight
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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