Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Rumble strips road head = magical
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
