I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
