Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
