I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
