My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize