dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
