i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It's never too late to be topless.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
