I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
