she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize