So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
