Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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