i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
