Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Terrible idea I love it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
