I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
not ubering you a puppy
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
