i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
