I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
