apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize