Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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