You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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