My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
