obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
