Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize