i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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