That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
My life is pants optional.
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