she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
