i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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