You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize