hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
