my sisters under your porch take her home
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
