I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
