I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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