Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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