You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
