U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
