Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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