My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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