need another drink. this is the easiest way
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
