The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
