My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
