barbara walters just said penis...
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
PANTIES FOUND
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