We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
