Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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