You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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