Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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