who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
