This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
