never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
