i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
