I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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