just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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