My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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