what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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