What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Drunk is not a location!
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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