remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The uberlube is also flammable
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
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