You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
