Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
