dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize