That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
