apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
