tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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