he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize