I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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