omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have so many feelings about this burrito
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
