So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
