It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
