he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
