Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
