How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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