I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just googled if crying burns calories
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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