i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
