my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
