I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
