Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You ruined the universe
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
