she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
there was a trapeze. enough said
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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