When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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