I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize