I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We named our party play list daddy issues
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
