I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
